Companion Blog Post for the Journal
September: A Month of Faithfulness
Concept Week 3
Write Your Life With Grace, Fruit of the Spirit Guided Journal (October, 2016)
“Faith opens the door for miracles to happen.”
At 2:00 a.m. this morning I awoke with familiar pain. My immediate response? “Please, God, not again. I’m begging you. Not. Again. Please. Take it away.”
I’m at the tail-end of a three-week-and-counting stint of my third round of pneumonia (my lungs are seriously out to get me) and here comes bladder infection #432. I’ve been getting them since I was four years old. In fact, I spent a week in the hospital at the age of four so they could look for my second kidney. After many traumatic explorations (this was 1971), they found it hiding out in the front. Weird anatomy should be my sub-heading. Begging for healing has become my default.
In the two hours of lost sleep, aside from looking for my stock of pain pills and making six trips to the bathroom and telling the dog ‘we’re not getting up yet, go back to sleep’ and marveling that my husband snored through the whole disturbance, I wrestled with God.
“You can heal me. You created me. I have faith in you. I believe you can heal me.” Uh-huh. And then I started laying out the situation to Him. As if He wasn’t already aware. “Look. I have barely been off the couch in three weeks. And now this? My mom and my husband are already freaked out enough. Why worry them even more? I will need more antibiotics. Don’t you know how bad it is for the human body to take all that crap?” And then I began reciting one of my favorite passages from John 15. The summary that I repeated over and over is this: “’If you remain in Me and I remain in you, ask for anything in My name and I will give it to you’…So, what I want, Lord, is for you to remove the infection immediately. I can’t work when I’m sick. I can’t do anything when I’m sick. I can’t be taking more antibiotics. Make me healthy.’”
What do I expect God to do in my life? Does He say that He is a genie in the sky?
This is where I have to tell myself to get a grip. And this is where I have to talk myself off the slide of despair. If what God says is true, that He is more interested in our character than our comfort, that we will have troubles in this world but He will overcome them all, that the point isn’t to get rid of problems or pain but to allow Him to mature us through them, then I have a choice to make.
Either, I must choose to believe Him (faith in His character) and put the pain to good use, look at it as a tool to grow my character and bless others, or, choose to be a victim, depressed, frustrated, and cranky.
Can I be honest? I really don’t want to keep going through this. It’s easier, and sometimes more fun, to complain and be angry. But if the goal is to leave a healthy emotional legacy, to develop a character that I will be proud to take with me when I meet my Maker, then I have no choice but to choose faith in God’s character as I trudge, yet again, through the doors of the doctor’s office. And I will try really hard not to cry as I look for my miracle.
*****UPDATE 32 hours later: Normally I am in a tremendous amount of pain for several days with these infections. The pain pill I took at 2:00 a.m. was the only one I needed. I’m on more antibiotics, but have zero pain. Faith opened the door for this miracle! God. Is. So. Good. I’m so grateful to Him for my health!
–Tara Schiro is the author of the upcoming release, Write Your Life With Grace, Fruit of the Spirit Guided Journal (October, 2016), and No Arms, No Legs, No Problem, the memoir of bronze-medal Paralympian (Quad Rugby), Bob Lujano. Amazon.com TaraSchiro.com